Very Funny, read Symptoms first & the cause!
Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the drink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward
Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage.
Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause : You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.
Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!
Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.
Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.
Cause: You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.
Friday, June 8, 2007
Side effects of Alcohol and remedies
Posted by Rohit Tomar at 5:55 AM 0 comments
Labels: Advantage Alcohal
Friday, May 25, 2007
The Buffalo Theory
All through the Great Plains, there were millions of buffalo. The buffalo were hunted by the Plains Indians, or the more politically correct term, the Native Americans. These Native Americans had a system to hunting the buffalo. You see, buffalo move in herds. They can only move as fast as the slowest member of the herd. The Native Americans recognized this, and would hunt the slowest member. What they didn’t realize is that when you kill the slowest member, it would essentially make the herd faster, as now the slowest member has been killed. This made it more difficult for the Native Americans to hunt the buffalo after long periods of time.
Alcohol is a lot like those Native Americans. Instead of hunting buffalo, it hunts brain cells. Now, just like the buffalo, brain cells can only work as good as the worst one. Alcohol kills the slower brain cells. Therefore, the more you drink, the smarter you become. So drink up everyone. The world is counting on you.
Posted by Rohit Tomar at 7:44 AM 0 comments
Labels: Advantage Alcohal, The Buffalo Theory
Monday, May 21, 2007
Funny Technology Cartoons
Posted by Rohit Tomar at 6:29 AM 0 comments
Labels: Funny Cartoons, Indian Begger
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Funney Nursery Rhymes
Roses are red; violets are blue.
Monkeys like you should be kept in the zoo.
Don't feel so angry, you will find me there too.
Not in a cage but laughing at you.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Twinkle twinkle little star.
You should know what you are.
And once you know what you are!
Mental hospital is not so far.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful Why doesn't it rain on you?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I wrote your name on sand it got washed,
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then, I wrote your name on my heart And I got a heart attack straight away
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
God saw me hungry, HE created pizza.
HE saw me thirsty, HE created Pepsi,
HE saw me in dark, HE created light.
HE saw me without problems, HE created YOU.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
When your life is in darkness, pray to God.
Ask him to free you from darkness,
and if after you pray, you're still in darkness,Please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Posted by Rohit Tomar at 4:41 AM 1 comments
Labels: Funny Quotes, Nursery Rhymes
Software Monkeys
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display.
While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper,
"I'll have a C monkey please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey.
He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, that'll be $5000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Why did it cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered,
"Ah, that monkey can program in C very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."
The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey;
It can manage object- oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java.
All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own.
The price tag around its neck read $50,000.
He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the other put together! What on earth does it do?" T he shopkeeper replied,
"Well, I haven't actually seen it doing anything, but the other monkeys call him the Module Leader."
Posted by Rohit Tomar at 4:37 AM 0 comments
Labels: Software Joke, Suspense Joke
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
If women controlled the world
Women are the complex creature of the world. I am posting some of proofs to verify my point.
If women ruled the world, this is the possible scenario.
I am not saying that only men rule the world, but if only women run the world, then the above will be the outcome.
Posted by Rohit Tomar at 5:52 AM 0 comments
Labels: Funny Picture, Women's world
Monday, April 16, 2007
Girl's Diary vs Boy's Diary
HER DIARY
=============
Day night, I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.
I asked him what was wrong – he said, "Nothing."I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love u,too."When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there and watched TV.; he seemed distant and absent.Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do.
I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY
==========
Today India lost the cricket match against bangladesh.
DAMN IT.
Conclusion
==========
NOW that's called
Simplicity of Men
Vs
Complexityof Women
Posted by Rohit Tomar at 6:58 AM 1 comments
Labels: Boy vs Girl, Cricket Joke, Suspense Joke
Friday, April 13, 2007
Monday, April 9, 2007
How to kill Time in office
If you find it very boring in the office, here are some tips:
1. Form a detective agency to find out who is quitting next.
2. Make blank calls to your Boss.
3. Send mails from lotus notes(outlook) to your internet mail (and immediately get to the internet and see who reaches first, you or your mail?) and read them there, and note down the time they take to reach there. Then do vice versa............. !!
4. Rearrange the furniture, i.e. flick someone else's chair just to irritate him/her.
5. Count your fingers (and toes if you still get bored).
6. Watch other people changing their facial ex-pressions while working and try changing your ex-pressions also.
7. Try to stretch status meetings as longer as possible, just by asking silly doubts.
8. Make faces at strangers in office.
9. Have a two hour lunch; it's a big social occasion.
10. Learn to whistle.
11. Revise last week's newspaper.
12. Hold "How fast my computer boots" competitions.
13. Practice aiming the coffee cup into the dustbin.
14. Compile "How to waste your day"
15. Pick up phone and dial non-existing nos.
16. Have work breaks in between tea.
17. Count maximum no of applications your computer can open at time.
18. For Win NT/95 users....Move things to Recycle bin and restore them..Then repeat this process.
19. Look at someone & try to imagine how (s)he might have looked when (s)he was 5 years old.
20. Read jokes and send jokes.
21. Make full use of the comfortable chair and table provided and take a nap.
Posted by Rohit Tomar at 6:03 AM 4 comments
Labels: Office, Office Timepass, Waste your day
Psychopath Test
Psychopath test:
Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to thebottom for the result.
This is not a trick question.It is as it reads. No one I know has got it right.
Q : A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom shedid not know. She thought this guy was amazing. She believed him to beher dream guy so much, that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.
Question: What is her motive for killing her sister?
Answer:
[Give this some thought before you answer, see answer below]
-
-
-
-
-
Answer: She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again.
If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath.
This was atest bya famous American Psychologist used to test if one has the samementality as a killer .
Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered thequestion correctly.
If you didn't answer the question correctly, good for you.
Posted by Rohit Tomar at 5:31 AM 0 comments
Labels: Psychology, Psychopath test, Serial Killer
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Indian Cricket Team needs players
Team India needs players. Do you really want to apply.
Vacancies
1) Captain (P-001),
2) Vice Captain (P-002),
3) Coach (P-003) and
4) Team Members (P-004)
Eligibility Criteria We are looking for Audience who have consistently watched all the world cup matches and who have scored over 65 runs in Room Cricket & Street Cricket
Experience in Football, Volley ball is an added advantage ….
Models, Actors (Advertisements) are most preferable…..
LKG & UKG Teachers are preferable for the post of coach.
Selection Process 1. Batting Test (Vs Bermuda) (Candidate must score at least 50 runs )2. Bowling/Fielding Test (Candidate should not bowl more than 3 wides /no balls in an Over) 3. HR Interview (Candidates will be called upon for the selection process based on the Eligibility Criteria)
Send ur resumes with subject Name/Post/Max runs scored E.g. Dhoni/P-004/37 to callforcric@bcci.com
Venue : YMCA Grounds , nandanam
Natesan Park , T.Nagar
Date: 01-Apr-2007
Reference Books:
1) “Aap bhi Batsman ban sakte hein!” by Munaf Patel
2) “Cricket in 21 days “ by Navjot Singh Buddhu
3) “From Losing a match to Murdering a coach“ by Inzamam
5) "The complete cricket manual" by Mandira
Posted by Rohit Tomar at 5:14 AM 2 comments
Labels: Cricket Joke, Sarcasm
Sunday, March 11, 2007
What is Wife?
Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!
--Anonymous
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Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
--Oscar Wilde
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Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
--Scottish Proverb
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I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. --Sam Kinison
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A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.
--Anonymous
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Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.
--H. L. Mencken
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Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. --H. L. Mencken
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle." - U2
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Marriage is a three-ring circus:
--engagement ring
---wedding ring
---suffering
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When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
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Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
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When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure
of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always. --Anonymous
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I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said,"Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the itchen?"--Anonymous
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the estimate.--Anonymous
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She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.Then the mud fell off.--Anonymous
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in." --Anonymous
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Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. He says "the wedding rings look like minature handcuffs....."--Anonymous
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after u let him in! --Anonymous
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A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain in is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A child? A parent?"The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied "My wife's first husband."
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A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled " It really works ! "
Posted by Rohit Tomar at 9:58 PM 1 comments
Labels: Wife, Wife Quotation, Wife Quotes
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Gift for Wife
A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers: "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for
you?"
The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl!!!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how
was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"
"Oh, that" she said
"Well, I did what I could; now we have to wait for few months to see if it
is a girl!!!"
Moral of the story: Don't tempt a woman, they are dangerously intelligent! J
Posted by Rohit Tomar at 8:43 PM 1 comments
Labels: Boy vs Girl, Suspense Joke
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Little Moments Of Joy
~By Barry Kingsley~
Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living. It was a cowboy's life, a life for someone who wanted no boss. What I didn't realize was that it was also a ministry.Because I drove the night shift, my cab became a moving confessional. Passengers climbed in, sat behind me in total anonymity, and told me about their lives. I encountered people whose lives amazed me, ennobled me, made me laugh and weep.
Posted by Rohit Tomar at 6:13 AM 4 comments
Labels: Barry Kingsley, Life
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Absolute Time Pass Story
Absolute Time Pass Story
One of the most valued employees of the Organization had been on sick leave one day.
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, the boss dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello?""Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mummy here?""Yes.""May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?""Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman.
"Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?""No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?""Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?""A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:
"ME."
Posted by Rohit Tomar at 6:28 AM 0 comments
Labels: Story, Time Pass Story