Friday, June 8, 2007

Side effects of Alcohol and remedies

Very Funny, read Symptoms first & the cause!


Symptom: Cold and humid feet.

Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the drink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward

Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage.

Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause : You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.

Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!

Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.

Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.
Cause: You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

AddThis Social Bookmark Button Bookmark this article with any Bookmarker (Digg, del.icio.us, Technorati, reddit, Yahoo MyWeb, Newsvine, Furl)

Friday, May 25, 2007

The Buffalo Theory

This theory is called The Buffalo Theory. It might just be the greatest theory every formulated by man. I know not who wrote this, I am only retelling it.


All through the Great Plains, there were millions of buffalo. The buffalo were hunted by the Plains Indians, or the more politically correct term, the Native Americans. These Native Americans had a system to hunting the buffalo. You see, buffalo move in herds. They can only move as fast as the slowest member of the herd. The Native Americans recognized this, and would hunt the slowest member. What they didn’t realize is that when you kill the slowest member, it would essentially make the herd faster, as now the slowest member has been killed. This made it more difficult for the Native Americans to hunt the buffalo after long periods of time.


Alcohol is a lot like those Native Americans. Instead of hunting buffalo, it hunts brain cells. Now, just like the buffalo, brain cells can only work as good as the worst one. Alcohol kills the slower brain cells. Therefore, the more you drink, the smarter you become. So drink up everyone. The world is counting on you.

AddThis Social Bookmark Button Bookmark this article with any Bookmarker (Digg, del.icio.us, Technorati, reddit, Yahoo MyWeb, Newsvine, Furl)

Monday, May 21, 2007

Funny Technology Cartoons




AddThis Social Bookmark Button Bookmark this article with any Bookmarker (Digg, del.icio.us, Technorati, reddit, Yahoo MyWeb, Newsvine, Furl)

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Funney Nursery Rhymes

Roses are red; violets are blue.
Monkeys like you should be kept in the zoo.
Don't feel so angry, you will find me there too.
Not in a cage but laughing at you.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Twinkle twinkle little star.

You should know what you are.
And once you know what you are!
Mental hospital is not so far.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The rain makes all things beautiful.

The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful Why doesn't it rain on you?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I wrote your name on sand it got washed,

I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then, I wrote your name on my heart And I got a heart attack straight away

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

God saw me hungry, HE created pizza.

HE saw me thirsty, HE created Pepsi,
HE saw me in dark, HE created light.
HE saw me without problems, HE created YOU.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When your life is in darkness, pray to God.
Ask him to free you from darkness,
and if after you pray, you're still in darkness,
Please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL!


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

AddThis Social Bookmark Button Bookmark this article with any Bookmarker (Digg, del.icio.us, Technorati, reddit, Yahoo MyWeb, Newsvine, Furl)

Software Monkeys

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display.
While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper,

"I'll have a C monkey please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey.

He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, that'll be $5000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.

Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Why did it cost so much?"

The shopkeeper answered,
"Ah, that monkey can program in C very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?"

"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey;

It can manage object- oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java.
All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own.
The price tag around its neck read $50,000.

He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the other put together! What on earth does it do?" T he shopkeeper replied,

"Well, I haven't actually seen it doing anything, but the other monkeys call him the Module Leader."

AddThis Social Bookmark Button Bookmark this article with any Bookmarker (Digg, del.icio.us, Technorati, reddit, Yahoo MyWeb, Newsvine, Furl)

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

If women controlled the world

If women controlled the world






Women are the complex creature of the world. I am posting some of proofs to verify my point.
If women ruled the world, this is the possible scenario.
I am not saying that only men rule the world, but if only women run the world, then the above will be the outcome.

AddThis Social Bookmark Button Bookmark this article with any Bookmarker (Digg, del.icio.us, Technorati, reddit, Yahoo MyWeb, Newsvine, Furl)

Monday, April 16, 2007

Girl's Diary vs Boy's Diary

HER DIARY
=============


Day night, I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.
I asked him what was wrong – he said, "Nothing."I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love u,too."When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there and watched TV.; he seemed distant and absent.Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do.
I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY
==========

Today India lost the cricket match against bangladesh.
DAMN IT.

Conclusion
==========


NOW that's called

Simplicity of Men
Vs
Complexityof Women

AddThis Social Bookmark Button Bookmark this article with any Bookmarker (Digg, del.icio.us, Technorati, reddit, Yahoo MyWeb, Newsvine, Furl)

Friday, April 13, 2007

Nice Funny Pictures




Posted by Picasa

AddThis Social Bookmark Button Bookmark this article with any Bookmarker (Digg, del.icio.us, Technorati, reddit, Yahoo MyWeb, Newsvine, Furl)

Monday, April 9, 2007

How to kill Time in office

If you find it very boring in the office, here are some tips:

1. Form a detective agency to find out who is quitting next.
2. Make blank calls to your Boss.
3. Send mails from lotus notes(outlook) to your internet mail (and immediately get to the internet and see who reaches first, you or your mail?) and read them there, and note down the time they take to reach there. Then do vice versa............. !!
4. Rearrange the furniture, i.e. flick someone else's chair just to irritate him/her.
5. Count your fingers (and toes if you still get bored).
6. Watch other people changing their facial ex-pressions while working and try changing your ex-pressions also.
7. Try to stretch status meetings as longer as possible, just by asking silly doubts.
8. Make faces at strangers in office.
9. Have a two hour lunch; it's a big social occasion.
10. Learn to whistle.
11. Revise last week's newspaper.
12. Hold "How fast my computer boots" competitions.
13. Practice aiming the coffee cup into the dustbin.
14. Compile "How to waste your day"
15. Pick up phone and dial non-existing nos.
16. Have work breaks in between tea.
17. Count maximum no of applications your computer can open at time.
18. For Win NT/95 users....Move things to Recycle bin and restore them..Then repeat this process.
19. Look at someone & try to imagine how (s)he might have looked when (s)he was 5 years old.
20. Read jokes and send jokes.
21. Make full use of the comfortable chair and table provided and take a nap.

AddThis Social Bookmark Button Bookmark this article with any Bookmarker (Digg, del.icio.us, Technorati, reddit, Yahoo MyWeb, Newsvine, Furl)

Psychopath Test

Psychopath test:
Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to thebottom for the result.
This is not a trick question.It is as it reads. No one I know has got it right.
Q : A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom shedid not know. She thought this guy was amazing. She believed him to beher dream guy so much, that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.
Question: What is her motive for killing her sister?

Answer:
[Give this some thought before you answer, see answer below]

-
-
-
-
-
Answer: She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again.
If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath.
This was atest bya famous American Psychologist used to test if one has the samementality as a killer .
Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered thequestion correctly.
If you didn't answer the question correctly, good for you.

AddThis Social Bookmark Button Bookmark this article with any Bookmarker (Digg, del.icio.us, Technorati, reddit, Yahoo MyWeb, Newsvine, Furl)

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Indian Cricket Team needs players

Team India needs players. Do you really want to apply.
Vacancies

1) Captain (P-001),
2) Vice Captain (P-002),
3) Coach (P-003) and
4) Team Members (P-004)



Eligibility Criteria We are looking for Audience who have consistently watched all the world cup matches and who have scored over 65 runs in Room Cricket & Street Cricket
Experience in Football, Volley ball is an added advantage ….

Models, Actors (Advertisements) are most preferable…..

LKG & UKG Teachers are preferable for the post of coach.


Selection Process 1. Batting Test (Vs Bermuda) (Candidate must score at least 50 runs )2. Bowling/Fielding Test (Candidate should not bowl more than 3 wides /no balls in an Over) 3. HR Interview (Candidates will be called upon for the selection process based on the Eligibility Criteria)

Send ur resumes with subject Name/Post/Max runs scored E.g. Dhoni/P-004/37 to
callforcric@bcci.com

Venue : YMCA Grounds , nandanam
Natesan Park , T.Nagar

Date: 01-Apr-2007


Reference Books:

1) “Aap bhi Batsman ban sakte hein!” by Munaf Patel
2) “Cricket in 21 days “ by Navjot Singh Buddhu
3) “From Losing a match to Murdering a coach“ by Inzamam
5) "The complete cricket manual" by Mandira


AddThis Social Bookmark Button Bookmark this article with any Bookmarker (Digg, del.icio.us, Technorati, reddit, Yahoo MyWeb, Newsvine, Furl)

Sunday, March 11, 2007

What is Wife?

Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!
--Anonymous

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
--Oscar Wilde

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
--Scottish Proverb
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. --Sam Kinison

----------------------------------------------------------------------
A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.

--Anonymous
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.
--H. L. Mencken

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. --H. L. Mencken

----------------------------------------------------------------------
"A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle." - U2

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Marriage is a three-ring circus:

--engagement ring
---wedding ring
---suffering

---------------------------------------------------------------------
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure
of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always. --Anonymous

----------------------------------------------------------------------
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said,"Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the itchen?"
--Anonymous
------------------------------------------------------------------
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the estimate.--Anonymous

-------------------------------------------------------------------
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.Then the mud fell off.--Anonymous

---------------------------------------------------------------------
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in." --Anonymous

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. He says "the wedding rings look like minature handcuffs....."--Anonymous

---------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after u let him in! --Anonymous

---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain in is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A child? A parent?"The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied "My wife's first husband."

----------------------------------------------------------------------
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled " It really works !
"

AddThis Social Bookmark Button Bookmark this article with any Bookmarker (Digg, del.icio.us, Technorati, reddit, Yahoo MyWeb, Newsvine, Furl)

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Gift for Wife

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.


Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers: "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for
you?"

The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl!!!"

The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how
was the trip?"

"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"

"Which present?" She asked.

"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"

"Oh, that" she said

"Well, I did what I could; now we have to wait for few months to see if it
is a girl!!!"



Moral of the story: Don't tempt a woman, they are dangerously intelligent! J

AddThis Social Bookmark Button Bookmark this article with any Bookmarker (Digg, del.icio.us, Technorati, reddit, Yahoo MyWeb, Newsvine, Furl)

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Little Moments Of Joy

Little Moments Of Joy
~By Barry Kingsley~

Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living. It was a cowboy's life, a life for someone who wanted no boss. What I didn't realize was that it was also a ministry.Because I drove the night shift, my cab became a moving confessional. Passengers climbed in, sat behind me in total anonymity, and told me about their lives. I encountered people whose lives amazed me, ennobled me, made me laugh and weep.
But none touched me more than a woman I picked up late one August night.I was responding to a call from a small brick fourplex in a quiet part of town. I assumed I was being sent to pick up some partiers, or someone who had just had a fight with a lover, or a worker heading to an early shift at some factory for the industrial part of town.When I arrived at 2:30 a.m., the building was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window.
Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a minute, then drive away. But I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation smelled of danger, I always went to the door. This passenger might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself. So I walked to the door and knocked."Just a minute," answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor. After a long pause, the door opened.
A small woman in her 80s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie.By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.
"Would you carry my bag out to the car?" she said.I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness."It's nothing," I told her. "I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated.""Oh, you're such a good boy," she said.When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, then asked, "Could you drive through downtown?""It's not the shortest way," I answered quickly."Oh, I don't mind," she said. "I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice."I looked in the rear view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. "I don't have any family left," she continued. "The doctor says I don't have very long."I quietly reached over and shut off the meter. "What route would you like me to take?" I asked.For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, "I'm tired. Let's go now."We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her. I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair."How much do I owe you?" she asked, reaching into her purse."Nothing," I said."You have to make a living," she answered."There are other passengers," I responded.Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.
"You gave an old woman a little moment of joy," she said. "Thank you."I squeezed her hand, then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.
I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly, lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient at the end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life. We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware--beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.
People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, ...but they will always remember how you made them feel.

AddThis Social Bookmark Button Bookmark this article with any Bookmarker (Digg, del.icio.us, Technorati, reddit, Yahoo MyWeb, Newsvine, Furl)

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Absolute Time Pass Story

Absolute Time Pass Story

One of the most valued employees of the Organization had been on sick leave one day.
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, the boss dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello?""Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mummy here?""Yes.""May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?""Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman.
"Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?""No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?""Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?""A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:

"ME."

AddThis Social Bookmark Button Bookmark this article with any Bookmarker (Digg, del.icio.us, Technorati, reddit, Yahoo MyWeb, Newsvine, Furl)
Disclaimer: I claim no authorship of anything on this site unless expressly cited otherwise. Much of what is here is sent unattributed. If I know the author of any article it is indicated on the item. I intend no infringement on anyone's copyright, or work. If you find anything here that is your work and you would like credit and/or a link to your web site or would like it removed from the archive, please let me know and I will take care of it as soon as possible.